Second Choice

We've been married eleven years and there are two upstairs

who think this is the safest building in the world,

and it might be, and I would like it to stay that way.

But I know what happened before I came along,

and I know what your face does when a certain name comes up

and you carry on talking like it hasn't.

But I'd like one honest sentence

and I'd like it more than I'd like to be comfortable —

Second choice. (second choice)

Not a bad one. Not a mistake.

Just the one that turned up when the other didn't work.

I can live with a yes.

I can't live in the not knowing.

Everyone says don't ask, you'll bring the whole thing down.

I've taken that advice for a decade and it hasn't made me calm,

it's made me watchful, and watchful is a terrible way to love somebody.

I have started reading your face like a document.

And if I hold this another ten years it comes out sideways,

and it comes out in front of the children.

So this is me not being clever.

This is me with nothing behind my back —

Second choice. (second choice)

And if I am, is that alright?

Plenty of good lives got built on something that wasn't the plan.

Plenty of good things are.

I just want to know what I'm stood on.

The worst version isn't yes.

The worst version is you saying no too fast,

in the voice you use for the phone,

while your hands do something else.

I'd rather have a yes and a long pause

than a no that was already loaded.

Second choice. (second choice)

Take your time. Take the whole night.

I'll leave the light on and I won't make it worse while you think.

And you said no, and you said it fast,

and I flinched at how fast —

say it slower in the morning and I'll believe you.